ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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