I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
