My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
