i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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