Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
