pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
