someone owes me an orgasm
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
