remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
