ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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