Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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