Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
