TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
