Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
