maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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