someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I won the penis lottery.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
