I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
