I hate all girls vehemently.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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