So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
