I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
