I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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