My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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