There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
