Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
