you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
