How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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