Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
