Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
