i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
