It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
