i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
