Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Couch. On fire.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
