Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
