So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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