I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
