Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
