i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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