btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
