ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
