Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
