nut hugger
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
