Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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