I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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