Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.