better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
