A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
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so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate