i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
