My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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