Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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