I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
