i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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