Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I love having hate sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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