Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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