For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
