Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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