All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
