well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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