Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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