It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
