The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize