I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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