I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
