i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
