good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
