my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
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If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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