There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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