Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
