i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
