I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Couch. On fire.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
