I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
