So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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