I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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