He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
