you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
