the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if only i could text you this smell
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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