Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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