And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
