nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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