Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
NoShamevember. You game?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
